HOW TO OPEN A COCONUT

Yes, on some level I do agree that this will be one of my most ridiculous posts. I came across some recipes for Mock CLIFBARS. With my recent curiousity of the Paleo Lifestyle, I decided to make them completely Paleo. One recipe called for unsweetened coconut. I couldn't find it anywhere so what did I do, I grabbed a coconut.

First thing's first, you need your supplies:
-potato peeler
-coconut
-hacksaw
-hammer
-knife
-phillips head screwdriver or cork screw
-stiff drink  *First time is trial and error, mostly error, and trust me. You'll need it!

Step 1. Poke a hole in the "soft" eye of the coconut. Use the screwdriver or corkscrew.

Step 2. Let the coconut sit on top of a cup or shake the coconut out over a bowl to gather all of the juice. This may take a while and also is where the stiff drink may come in handy.

Step 3. Nevermind the hacksaw, this shit's hard! Have another drink. Just take the hammer and start smacking the line that runs through the center. Keep rotating the coconut until it splits. Once it splits, getting your coconut meat is way easier.

Step 4. The directions I followed said you need to heat the coconut for it to come out of the shell rather easily. You can use the oven or microwave. I opted for the microwave. After about 3 minutes the coconut gets really hot, like 3rd degree burn hot if you're not careful. Also, this seemed to be of no help and I mainly just burned the crap out of my fingers. Furthermore, this dumb step just causes you to waste your time because you have to let the damn thing cool. Stop wasting your time but if you do chose to heat your coconut, you should also chose to have another drink while it cools.

Step 5. Cut the inside of the coconut through the center like you're cutting a pie. Take a knife or spoon and pry the coconut out. It came right out for me.

Step 6. There is a thin brown skin on the cocunut. You can either leave it on the coconut or peel it off with a vegetable peeler or knife.

This pretty much sums it up. Yeah, it was grueling because someone else's instructions blew!

I will say however, once you put a hole in the soft eye, let it sit for about 15 minutes, use the hammer hard and it will split rather quickly. Really just cut the coconut in the shell and it should pop right out. If it doesn't, then MAYBE try microwaving it. I've only done this once but I don't believe this step is necessary.